Monday, January 24, 2011

Final week

I have many thoughts running through my mind as I pack up and head back to MN. I risked... we saw the challenge before us when we made the decision to come East. It was a challenge from the beginning. I learned so much. Namely that hard, radical strategies are not my strength nor is confrontation. And I discovered how much I had to learn about being in the midst of an emotional system. I knew the head stuff... read the books... but had not been tested personally.

I am hoping that adventures of trying and risking are honorable. And I return to MN with mixed feelings, broken dreams and an ache inside that will need time to process fully.

God did much here and we are grateful for all that happened and all of the people we met and came to love.

I don't know what the future will bring... or if other calls will come or if I need to just be and let it all go for now.

But it is interesting to notice the way I am packing my books. Leadership books and system theory books, strategy books and church planting theory go into storage. Commentaries go to our new temporary home. Books I cannot part with tell me a few things about my state of perceived competence or incompetence and much about my ministry loves. When all is stripped away... there is one thing that always remains--my love of the bible and desire to understand.

Many ask, "what are your plans, Faith." I don't really have any plans at the moment. Many have invited us to come and join them in their ministry adventures. And we are weighing those invitations with serious prayer. I feel a sense of needing to be careful, choose wisely, listen deeply. That too tells me much about all that swirls inside.

Prophetic friends have spoken words over me... words like discovery, adventure, new gifts, missional possibilities etc... and I hold them in the file cabinent of my mind... wondering, but unsure.

This week begins our final journey and the thoughts around it.

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